Man Vs Woman Translation

Wants & Needs
Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
Male: Food, sex, and beer.

Thingy
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

Lesbian
Female: A woman who makes love to other women.
Male: A woman who makes love to another woman to turn on a man

Glass Ceiling 
Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.
Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.

Vulnerable
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing ball without a cup.

Communication 
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.

Ass
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."
Male: The organ of mooning (and farting).

Commitment 
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

Entertainment
Female: A good movie, concert, play, or book.
Male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.

Flatulence 
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression, and male bonding.

Making love 
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. 
Male: Something they spend 33% of their time thinking about, 33% of their time trying to get 33% the rest of the time talking about it and 1% actually doing it!.

Remote Control
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 1/2 minutes.

Taste
Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

You want = Your Selfish (Man)
We need = I want (Woman)
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. 
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later. 
We need to talk = I need to complain 
Ummmm....Yeah... go ahead = I don't want you to. 
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! 
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. 
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about? 
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period. 
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs. 
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white. 
hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! 
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. 
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive. 
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like. 
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V. 
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful. 
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me. 
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.] 
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry. 
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it. 
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. 
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important. 
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, and whichever dept. has a sale going.

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