Bill Gates

Microsoft vs. General Motors
Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors. The comparison went like this: If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. (160,000km/hr) or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds (14 kilos) and getsa thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50. In response to all this goading, 
The GM responds: "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?" 

Hi-Tech Communications
Jerry Sanders, Andy Grove, and Bill Gates (CEOs of AMD, Intel, and Microsoft, in case you didn't recognize one (or more?) of the names) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussions, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Jerry is sitting. Jerry says, "Oh, that's my emergency beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I really need to take this call." So Jerry lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him. Jerry explains, "Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way, I can a take a call anywhere." The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping. He also states, "Oh, that is my emergency beeper. Excuse me, gentlemen, this must be an important call." So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air. When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, "I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth. Isn't that neat?" The others nod, and the meeting continues. Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Bill emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, "Uhh, somebody get me a piece of paper... I'm receiving a fax." 

The Frog
A young Bill Gates was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." Bill bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." Bill took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do 'anything' you want." Again Bill took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do 'anything' you want. Why won't you kiss me?" Bill said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool." 

Computer Acronyms:
PCMCIA -- People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms 
ISDN -- It Still Does Nothing 
SCSI -- System Can't See It 
DOS -- Defective Operating System 
BASIC -- Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control 
IBM -- I Blame Microsoft 
DEC -- Do Expect Cuts 
CD-ROM -- Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months 
OS/2 -- Obsolete Soon, Too. 
WWW -- World Wide Wait 
APPLE -- Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity 
MACINTOSH -- Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs 
AMIGA -- A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction 
PENTIUM -- Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics 
COBOL -- Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language 
LISP -- Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis 
MIPS -- Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed 
WINDOWS -- Will Install Needless Data On Whole System 
GIRO -- Garbage In Rubbish Out 
MICROSOFT -- Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

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