Your Mama 

Your Mama's so fat when she gets on the scale it says "to be continued."

Your Mama's so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up!

Your Mama's so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people yell "Taxi!"

Your Mama's so fat she has to iron her pants on the driveway

Your Mama's so fat she has to put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Your Mama's so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Your Mama's so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

Your Mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

Your Mama's so stupid when she saw "under 17 not admitted" sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Your Mama's so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitimate" because she couldn't read

Your mama's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Your mama's so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Your mama's so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Your mama's so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Your mama's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Your mama's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Your mama's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras

Your mama's so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Your mama's so ugly she made an onion cry.

Your mama's so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Your mama's so skinny she swallowed a meatball and thought she was pregnant

Your Mama's so hairy her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock

Your Mama's so hairy Bigfoot takes pictures of her

Your Mama's teeth so yellow when she yawns traffic slows down

Your Mama's house is so dusty the roaches ride around on dune buggies

Your Mama's so fat her blood type is Ragu

Your Mama's so ugly she has to trick or treat over the phone

Your Mama's so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes

Your Mama's so stupid she asked for a price check at the 99 cent store

Your Mama's so ugly when she sits in the sand the cat tries to bury her.

Your Mama's teeth so rotten when she smiles they look like dice

Your Mama's so ugly I took her to haunted house and she came out with a job application

Your mama's so dumb she took a spoon to the Super Bowl

Your mama's so dumb she sat on TV & watched the couch

Your Mama's so ugly when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows

Your mama was such an ugly baby that her parents had to feed her with slingshots.

Your mama's so big that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

Your mama's so fat she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks

Your mama's so ugly they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty

Your mama's so ugly she threw a boomerang and it wouldn't even come back

Your mama's been on welfare so long they put her face on the food stamps.

Your momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Your momma so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.

Your momma so fat, when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Your momma so fat, her college graduation picture was an aerial.

Your momma so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Your momma so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.

Your momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Your momma so fat, she influences the tides.

Your momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.

Your momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Your momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

Your momma's twice the man you are.

Your momma's house is so small she can't even order a large pizza

Your momma's head is so small that she got her ear pierced and died.

Your momma is so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.

Your momma so dumb, when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

Your momma was so fat that when when was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Your momma has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

Your momma's head is so big, it shows up on radar.

Your momma so poor, your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Your momma so grouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.

Your momma watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

Your momma has 10 fingers--all on the same hand.

Your momma was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

Your momma so dumb she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Your momma so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.

Your momma so fat, she was baptized at Marine World.

Your mama's so fat she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out

Your mama said she liked seafood, so I gave her crabs.

Your mama so dumb, she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.

Your mama so dumb, she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged.

Your mama so dumb, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!

Your mama so dumb, she thinks socialism means partying!

Your mama so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat butt out of the way.

Your mama so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.

Your mama so fat, she can't even tie her own shoes.

Your mama so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

Your mama so fat, if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!

Your mama so fat, if she wears fishnet stockings, they'd better be 50 pound test!

Your mama so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets.

Your mama so fat, she uses a pillow case as a sock.

Your mama so old, her birthday's expired.

Your mama so old, she co-wrote one of the ten commandments.

Your mama so old, she farts out dust.

Your mama so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

Your mama so poor, the only time she smelled hot food was when a rich man farted!

Your mama so poor, when your family watches TV, they go to Sears.

Your mama so skinny, she uses a Band-Aid as a maxi-pad.

Your mama is so fat you have to take a train to get on her good side.

Your mama so stupid that she go hit by a parked car.

Your mama so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.

Your mama so stupid that she went to a Whalers game to see Shamu.

Your mama so stupid, I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.

Your mama so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.

Your mama so stupid, that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

Your mama so ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.

Your mama so ugly, they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!

Your mama so ugly, when she was born, her mama saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!"

Your mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped HER mama!

Your mama so fat, you gotta take a train, a plane, and a bicycle just to get on her good side!

Your mama is so fat she has to throw a boomerang to put her belt on! 

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