Jester's Jokes 3

I'll Do Anything
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything." His voice softens. "Anything?""Anything." His voice turns to a whisper.

"Would you...study?"

Two nuns
Two nuns are hard at work painting the monastery. It is very, very hot and one nun says to the other, "Do you think it would be evil if we took our habits off since we're working so hard and it's so hot?" The other nun said, "Well, we're all alone and no one ever comes here, to the monastery, so it will be fine". So the nuns took their habits off and were painting in the nude when all of a sudden, a knock was heard at the door. "Who's there?" they cried in a panic.

  "The blind man," came the reply. "Well," said the first nun, "if he's blind, it won't make any difference." The nuns opened the door.

  "Nice tits!" said the man. "Where do you want me to put the blinds?"

Thermodynamics of Hell
A true story. A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:  "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant.

One student, however wrote the following, First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose. Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over. 

It was not revealed what grade the student got.

Cab Driver
Saint Peter is standing in front of the pearly gates with a line of people waiting to be accepted or denied into heaven. "Okay, now you, what was your occupation?" Saint Peter asks the next man in line. "Well, I was a salesperson." He responded. "Hmmm, how interesting, you may enter." The man enters. "Okay, what was your occupation?" Saint Peter asks the next man in line. "Well, I was a church minister." He responded. "Okay could you stand in that other waiting line there please." The minister complies to Saint Peter's request hoping that this line wasn't the line to hell. "How about you, what was your occupation?". He asked the next man in line. "Well Mr. Peter, I was a taxi cab driver." He responded. "Okay, you may enter." Saint Peter said. "Wait a minute!" The minister screams after hearing that; "I was a minister teaching religion and HE WAS A TAXI CAB DRIVER! Why do I have to wait here and he can go in?" "Ahh my child, that is simple." Saint Peter explains his choice.

  "While you were preaching to your congregation, people slept. When he was driving, people were praying."

Humor Sections

Get Me Back To The Lerts Lair Homepage!