Jester's Jokes 1

Mr Bill
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" exclaims the President. "Its this Abortion Bill Mr. President, what do you want to do about it?" the aide replies. 
"Just go ahead and pay it." responds the President. 

The Parrot
While Bill, Hillary and Chelsea were vacationing in Wyoming the housekeeper was tasked with looking after their pet parrot. They hadn't been gone for more than a couple of days when the parrot was found dead in the bottom of it's cage. The housekeeper set out to find a replacement bird and visited nearly every pet store in Washington. After several hours of looking, she came across an exact duplicate of the bird. As she purchased the parrot, the shop owner cautioned her that the bird had previously be owned by a Madam and had lived for several years in a house of ill-repute. The housekeeper said that no one would ever know and took the bird back to the White House. 
The morning after the Clintons return to the White House, Chelsea walked through the room and the bird said, "Too young." A little later Hillary came into the room and the bird responded with, "Too old." 
That afternoon the President entered the room and the bird said, "HI BILL!" 

Young Love
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. 
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves. 
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person." He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist." 

The Marathoner
This woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!" 
The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there!" 
She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! When he landed outside he was in the middle of a "running Marathon" so he started running along beside the others only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. 
One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" He answered, while gasping for air, "Oh yes, It feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running." 
The other runner then asked the nude man, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?" 
The nudie answered breathlessly, "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!" 
The runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" 
The nudie answered, "Only if it's raining." 

The Penis Study
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost more than $1 million. It concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, The United States decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. The Americans were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect. After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, they concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the American study were released, The Canadians decided to conduct its own study. The Canucks didn't really trust the British or American studies. So, after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00, the Canadian study was complete. It concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead! 

Kids Aren't So Dumb
Bill and Marla had a small apartment in the city. and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." 
Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. 
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied. 

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