Jester's Jokes 5

Wooooo Hoooooo!
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'm, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436." 

OJ Simpson
A guy's driving along a road when he runs into traffic. He looks out his window and sees a man going from car to car, talking to everybody. "When the guy gets here, I'm gonna ask him what's going on." he thought. The man finally gets to his car and starts talking to him. "What's going on?" the driver asks. "O.J Simpson's up ahead." the man replies. "So what?" the driver asks. "He's all depressed that he doesn't have the 8.5 million dollars to pay off the Goldmans and he says he's gonna cover himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. So I'm going car to car taking donations." the man explained. "Alright. How much do you have so far?" the driver asked.

"About ten gallons." 

US Banks
"The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double even triple. Your gonna pay two to three times as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you!

You eliminate the middle man." 

Horny Toad 
A princess would often go a wandering through the woods searching for enchanted frogs who might actually be a handsome prince under a spell. One day she found an exceptionally ugly frog. Picking it up she asked, "Are you a prince under a spell? If I kiss you, will you turn back into a prince?" The frog replied, "Actually I am, but the wizard was very powerful,

It'll probably take a blow job" 

Pinocchio
Pinocchio's girlfriend complained that he was giving her splinters during their love-making. He went to the carpenter who made him and asked what he could do about it. "Sandpaper, my boy," the old carpenter said. "Use some sandpaper." A couple of weeks later the carpenter saw Pinocchio again and asked, "So how are you getting on with the girls now, Pinocchio?"

Pinocchio says  "Girls? Who needs girls?"

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